Dear Blackheart,
I’m afraid of my wife.
Last week I had to stay a few hours after work to do inventory (I work at a sporting goods store) and when I got home, my wife kicked my in balls so hard I couldn’t get up for half an hour, and while I lay there, she accused me of cheating on her and told me to call when I’m going to be home late. From other attacks I also have a chipped tooth, a nose that’s been broken twice, and not one, but two stab wounds.
I have tried going to the police, and they don’t take me seriously, because I’m a “bear” of a big guy. Guys laugh at me, they say I should be able to defend myself, but I can’t hurt my wife. Maybe there’s a non-violent way I could handle this. I love my wife, and I want her to stop this before she does something really bad.
Scared Husband,
Dear Scared Husband,
I’m shocked that your local police force laughed this off. You are a victim of one of the most dangerous abusers I’ve ever heard of. Just because you’re a man doesn’t mean your situation shouldn’t be treated just as seriously as an abused woman. Everybody has a right to freedom, and nobody should live in fear. Not even a sporty “bear” like yourself. People often think about abuse being about physical power only, and they tend not to account for the “power of love” that prevents you from running away or fighting back. Often for male and female victims of abuse the power is just as emotional, and men can be just as frightened as women. We’re a lot more similar than people give us credit for.
For now, I can offer you a link to an online community that I think might help you: http://www.safe4all.org/ S.A.F.E. for All, (Stop Abuse for Everyone), is an online community devoted to equal care and attention to all abuse victims, be they men, teens, the elderly, or members of the gay community, not merely the overcompensated for “battered women.” (Maybe that isn’t fair. There’s no overcompensation for abused women, but rather undercompensation for the other groups.)
The only other thing I can tell you is that you need to get out of there, now. I mean right now. Crash with a friend or a relative if you have to, somewhere she won’t come looking for you. Then call her or e-mail her and tell her you need space. I know it will be very hard for you, and that you love her and want to make this work, but if this woman stabbed you twice, realistically it’s only going to get worse.
