My boyfriend “Greg” has been beating himself up over something that happened three months ago. Greg and his best friend “Daver” were getting drunk together at Daver’s apartment, and Daver was showing off his Glock 22, which has had a history of not ejecting its bullets properly. This particular evening, Daver put the gun to the side of his head and pulled the trigger. I met the two of them the next morning at the hospital, where Daver was “in stable condition.” Since then Daver has gone deaf in one ear, but is alive and seems to be about as intelligent as he was before this mishap. Sometimes Greg cries about it. He thinks it’s his fault, and keeps wishing he’d done something to stop Daver. How can I help him forgive himself?
Debbie in
Dear Debbie,
Have you ever heard of the Darwin Awards? These are awards given out to people who perform stupid feats and wind up removing themselves from the gene pool. It sounds like your boyfriend’s buddy Daver was an inch away from making the cut.
Greg can’t possibly think he’s responsible this stupid act. This is perhaps a wake-up call that Greg should find a more intelligent crowd to hang out with, and maybe drink a little bit less.
I do feel for Daver, because hearing loss is a terrible thing, but you have to ask the question – When you hold a gun to your head, that sometimes doesn’t eject the bullet, and you pull the trigger, what is the best thing that could possibly happen? Nothing. That seems like an awful lot of risk for such little gain.
Tell Greg that Daver isn’t five, and that Greg shouldn’t have to watch him like a hawk to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. By now, really, that’s Daver’s job.
