Dear Blackheart,
I have been dating a very sweet man for four years now. A month ago, I cheated on him at cocktail party. I was drunk, and I know that isn’t an excuse, but I feel so guilty, and ashamed, and I can’t put it out of my mind. I think he might die if I tell him, but I might die if I don’t. Should I tell him?
Cheating Heart
Dear Cheating Heart,
While I’m generally in agreement with the “honesty is the best policy” method, I believe this situation is one of the exceptions.
I myself have been cheated on by two separate girlfriends, (that I know of), and in both cases, I did not, in fact, break up with them; I forgave them, because I loved them. I couldn’t accept that this was the end. But I cannot even begin to describe the crushing feeling of finding out that the woman that you loved and trusted, the one that you thought was different, would cheat, and for what? For nothing. For a semen stain on your cocktail dress.
When you tell him you cheated on him, you make your guilt his guilt. You feel better; he feels worse. That doesn’t exactly seem fair, does it? What right do you have to crush his spirits to alleviate your own guilt?
Unless you’ve contracted some sort of STD or STI, there’s no need to burst his little bubble.
Here’s the one way I think you can redeem yourself. Stop cheating, never cheat again, and never speak to him of this. If you really love him as much as you say, keep your mouth and your legs shut from now on, and bear your guilt in silence. I know it’s going to be hard, but it’s the only way to honor him with any dignity.
