Dear Gabby,
I have been dating the love of my life for three years, and now we want to get married, but her parents refuse to let her marry me unless I convert to Judaism. Religion is not terribly important to either of us – we don’t even care enough to be against it. She doesn’t mind that I’m a “goy,” and I’d convert if it weren’t for that whole circumcision thing. What if they do it wrong and cut the head off it or something? We want children, too, and this just sounds dangerous and crazy. And painful. This also probably means our kids would have to do it too. Her father argues that it’s not just an aesthetic thing, but that safer in the long run too, medically. What should we do?
Thanks Gabby,
Circumventing Circumcision
Dear Circumventing Circumcision
Your penis is your own, and her parents have no right to make you lose a piece of it. As for botched circumcisions, they are rare, but it is an entirely elective and unnecessary surgery, and why any adult would choose to put himself through this arcane and frankly cruel religious practice is a little beyond me.
Medically, there is no advantage to removing your foreskin. It is a myth, and any doctor will tell you that. This is because in the 21st century we have things called showers, and soap. Infections come from a bacterial buildup in the folds of your skin which you almost certainly can’t get if you’re washing every day.
You could even lie and say you got a circumcision – as long as her parents never see your private area, you should be fine. And why would they ever see it, right? Still, you’d probably prefer to just be honest with them. I’m sure your fiancĂ©e would rather remain on honest terms with her own parents.
Here’s another angle – try to get your parents to back you on this. I certainly wouldn’t let a mohel take a knife to my son’s penis. And ditto for your children, when you have children. They’re yours to protect, not your wife’s parents. They have no business making big decisions about your children’s lives, even if they thing they’re more seasoned parents than you. They’re also more out-of-date.
If all else fails, and I mean this as a last resort: You are Americans, and you don’t need their approval to get married in this country. If they really want to shut their own daughter out of their lives because of this, they’ll never see her, or their grandchildren, and they’ll be a very bitter, very lonely old couple.