Monday, March 10, 2008

Confused and Abused

Dear Gabby,

Back in grade 3, I had to move in with my dad because my mom threatened to put me into a foster home. So he had to drive across two state lines to pick me up at about four in the morning. Frankly, I was glad to be out of there, because she and my step-dad were both pretty harsh and abusive with me. I got the distinct feeling my step-dad wanted me out of the way.

This was all eleven years ago, and now my mom wants me to come back and live with her. She had kids with my step-dad, one is ten, the other is eight. She says she would need me to move back before the summer because she’s planning a trip with my step-dad.

I don’t even want to mention this to my dad, because it might hurt his feelings, and he’ll probably tell me not to, and he’s probably right. But she’s my mom, and I think this may be my chance to set things right. So what do you think? Should I do it?

Confused and Abused

Dear Confused,

Politely decline. You sound like a sweet person, and you’re no doubt seeking acceptance from her, hoping she will finally take you in and love you back. And she may very well love you, but she has a terrible track record, and most adults don’t really change. I get the strong sense that she’s got ulterior motives calling you out of the blue like this, like finding a babysitter she doesn’t have to pay, particularly now that she has more kids that are at that difficult age. Does that sound more like her?

Your father clearly loves you, and you should absolutely stay near him until you’re ready to live on your own. Also, you have your own life to live, and you’ll have a lot more time for your own personal development if you steer clear of such a huge responsibility, that is clearly not your own.