Thursday, March 20, 2008

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Dear Gabby,

I come from a short family, but I seem to be almost a full foot shorter than my other siblings. I’m 4’4” and though I don’t personally have any problem with my height. My brother sometimes makes fun, pretending I am an arm rest, but we all have a good laugh about it.

I’m now 44, and I’ve decided to pour a large chunk of my (generous) earnings from my government job to buy a large plot of land and build myself the home I’ve always wanted. I’m tailor-making it for my own height, because I’m sick of having to stand on my tippie-toes and stretch my arms just to reach things.

Suddenly, my mother is ridiculing me for this, in a way that I think is both spiteful and mean. She seems to think my home will look like a hobbit hole, and that somehow being short is my fault, like I can do something about it. It would be nice to have her approval. How can I sway her attitude?

Little Miss Armrest

Dear Armrest,

What your mother thinks is totally irrelevant. We often feel pressured to please our parents well into our mid-life, and parents in turn often find it hard to move beyond the role of “teacher” or “critic.” Tell her you respect her opinion, but that you are an adult too, and she in turn should respect yours.

One issue your mother may have with your place could be the resale value of your dream home, but if you have no plans to sell it, that shouldn’t matter.