Dear Gabby,
I have a daughter who’s fourteen. Lately, she’s been getting a lot of attention from one of my male friends, “Mel.” A short while ago he met her randomly at the mall, and offered to buy her a few dresses. He bought her the dresses and told her to keep it a secret from us, but of course, she told us. My wife freaked and told me to confront Mel about it, so I did, and he said he felt sorry for her, that she could use a few nice things to wear at her age. We’re not poor. We can afford nice clothes for our daughter, but then last week-end, I caught him trying to sneak into my house, claiming he had a gift for my daughter. He didn’t want to tell me what it was, so I grabbed it and looked in the bag, and it was porn! I didn’t tell my wife about this because I think she’d lose her mind. I just sent him home.
I’m at a bit of a loss here, because though I’ve always liked Mel, this is my daughter. Mel’s always been a little strange, but he’s never acted like this before, not to my knowledge, anyway. I’m wondering if I should have a long talk with him or just call the police.
Fearful Father
Dear Fearful,
Your “friend” is a sexual predator. I implore you to call the police and tell them what you just told me. This is classic textbook behavior that leads to sexual assault. He is tying to “test” or “groom” your daughter, by seeing if she will lie to you about their encounters. His hope is that she will feel obligated to him, indebted to him. Before long, his next step will probably be to “harmlessly” invite her out for lunch, or to a movie, and then slip a roofie into her drink, and take her somewhere private for a few hours. This has happened to several female friends of mine, and they usually wind up blaming themselves, feeling stupid and naïve that they didn’t expect this. Tell your daughter what to expect before it’s too late, and tell her to stay far away from Mel. This man is not your friend. You need to tell Mel to go to hell. Alert the authorities; they need to know about him.
