Hey Doc,
Generally I have a good relationship with my long-time girlfriend, but the other day she and I got into an argument about children, and I’m worried it will ultimately tear us apart. Basically, I want kids, and she doesn’t. My older sister says she felt the same way my girlfriend did, but now she has two small kids and says she couldn’t be happier. But when I tell my girlfriend this, it just makes her mad. She says she’ll never want kids because the world is too overpopulated anyway, and so many things can go wrong. What if it’s retarded or a quadriplegic, etc.? She’s always like this, completely filled with anxiety over everything. Sometimes I think she’s going to have a panic attack. How do I get my girlfriend to see that these are rare things, and that she should have kids anyway? Or should I break up with her and find someone new?
Would-Be Dad
Dear Would-Be,
You cannot make someone want to have children. They either do, or they don’t, and while it’s true that many people, like your sister change their minds, it’s because they freely chose to do so, and not because of someone else’s will.
Whether or not you break up with her over this is entirely up to you. I can’t answer this for you. It’s more a question of whether you love her more or less than the idea of having children. Bear in mind that there are many people out there who break up with their long time lovers, out of desire to produce children, but wind up having none, and being alone.
